Fiction: “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”

I finished reading PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES tonight, about four hours ago. In celebration, Sydney the Laptop has decided to play “Thriller.” Syd, I heartily approve and applaud your choice. Because there is, I swear to God, a “Thriller” reference in this book:

“What a charming amusement for young people this is, Mr. Darcy!”

“Certainly, sir; and it has the advantage also of being in vogue amongst the less polished societies of the world. Every savage can dance. Why, I imagine even zombies could do it with some degree of success.” [22]

Anyway. Seth Grahame-Smith is totally my second pretend boyfriend (after Daniel Craig, of course). He did indeed keep about 90% of Jane Austen’s original novel, and simply added some scenes of supreme zombie violence. The plot, even, is exactly the same: Mr. and Mrs. Bennet of Longbourn have five daughters, and Mrs. Bennet’s only goal in life is to see them married off, and hopefully well. Mr. Bingley and his sisters and friend Mr. Darcy arrive at Netherfield, a neighboring manse, and Mrs. Bennet pushes her eldest, Jane, into the arms of Bingley. Elizabeth is headstrong and independent, and is less than impressed with Darcy’s impertinence and pride.

The difference? Zombies.

Fiction: “D is for Deadbeat” by Sue Grafton

Yet another stop on the train ride towards PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES, and finally I can say with confidence, yes, it shall be next. I needed a palate cleanser between New Moon and the Awesome.

Kinsey Millhone is the protagonist of Sue Grafton’s Alphabet series. I’ve read as far as “I” three times, and up to “O” at least once. This is attempt number 4 to get through the entire series without getting distracted.

Don’t get me wrong, this is one of the first mystery series I ever read, and I still adore it. There are just a lot more books in my little tiny room that I want to read. Plus, the majority of the series is still at my parents’s house back in Brunswick.

Anyhoodle. Kinsey operates a private detective agency in Santa Teresa, and this novel’s plot kicks off when this guy shows up at Kinsey’s office, asking her to deliver a very expensive cashier’s check. The guy turns up dead in the bay a couple of days later, and Kinsey is hired by his daughter to find the killer. The thread runs through San Luis Obispo, the men’s penitentiary the dead guy was in before being released, the families of those that died in a car crash, and a hooker from Los Angeles.

Kinsey is like a female Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe. The series starts in the early 80′s, so she doesn’t have a lot in the way of Internet searches and/or computer spreadsheets to use. Her major tools are her VW bug that’s mostly rust, her typewriter, and a stack of index cards with a cork board.

I highly recommend the series – it’s one of my favorites, and an era will come to an end when Grafton finally reaches ‘Z is for Zenith’ (you heard it here first, folks). Start with A is for Alibi. If you’re like me, you’ll read it in a couple of days. It’s candyfloss; it’s enjoyable while reading, but it doesn’t stick with you afterward.

Actually, knowing how I usually handle candyfloss, maybe candyfloss isn’t the most apt of metaphors… *shrugs* oh well. You get my drift.

Grade for D is for Deadbeat: 2.5 stars

Fiction: “New Moon” by Stephenie Meyer

I … *sigh* I’ve determined that the Twilight series is like Grey’s Anatomy: I really fucking hate it, and yet I can’t help but continue to watch it, like the train wreck it has become. Of course, part of it is that I keep hoping that Katherine Heigl actually is leaving, and maybe the show will be a bit more enjoyable. But the Twilight series isn’t giving me even that smidgen of hope; in this show, the bitch is the narrator, not the annoying friend who makes poor sex decisions.

I return your attention to the second picture in this entry. Here is the final tally of Post-It Flags:

Purple (Bad werewolf/vampire information): 12
Yellow (Really bad writing/grammar mistakes): 12
Orange (Bella is bitchy): eleventy-million 10
Blue (Bella wants to kill herself so she can be a vampire and live forever with Edward): 9
Pink (OMG EDWARD IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD OMG): 8
Green (Bella does something stump-fucking stupid): 8

Hm. I honestly thought I’d have more Yellow and Orange tags. Oh well.